For the first 24 years of my life, hangovers were simple. It didn’t matter how much I drank; there’s no amount of wine pong that can’t be cancelled out with one simple cure the next morning: the bacon sandwich. But I kinda cocked that one up for myself by spontaneously becoming opposed to eating pigs—and suddenly I find myself in my mid-twenties, facing Sunday mornings with the nauseous cluelessness of a 14-year-old the morning after her mum first lets her friends drink bright blue WKDs at a house party. I need some vegetarian hangover cures, and I need them stat.
So I’ve been appealing to social media for advice on how to feel human again without eating that adorable pig. Here are some of the results.
“Bacon smells so much better than it tastes. You have to remember that when bacon is around.”
This came from my wonderful friend Christy, who was a massive carnivore with me the whole way through our time at uni, but suddenly became a veggie about a year before I did. We used to eat bacon sandwiches like they were going out of fashion, so she totally gets the struggle of resisting your roommate’s delicious-smelling fry-up.
But if resisting it is just too hard, there is another option… Quorn Bacon.
@eggplantblog Quorn Bacon is a thing.
— Tara △ C&CO. (@Catstello) January 27, 2016
@eggplantblog QUORN BACON!!!
— Rachel (@__rachelrogers) January 27, 2016
Dream come true! I haven’t tasted this yet, so I’m keeping my fingers crossed that it will taste just as delish as the real thing. Who’s eaten both?
My life-long veggie friend Holly had some opposing advice though:
“Eating substitutes is usually quite disappointing for meat eaters because you’re still comparing it to meat—so your best options are things that don’t even need meat.”
But if I ditch the bacon sarnie entirely, where else am I going to get that magical salt-and-carbs combo?
@eggplantblog noodles or pasta are my usual hangover choices. ALL the carbs. Or avocado on toast, which I’m gonna have now for my hangover
— Lucie McMaplebear (@mlle_fromage) November 8, 2015
You know what, those vegetarian hangover cures sound like some scrummy options right about now. But there’s one more problem… I’m not stopping at veggie. I’m trying to go full vegan. Yikes.
@eggplantblog it does wonders for me to combine lemon juice, ginger tea and a dash of cayenne powder. For detox + energy
— brow boy (@MegZulch) November 8, 2015
OK, these sound pretty good. But what about when your hangover is telling you to eat the most unhealthy thing you can lay your hands on?
@eggplantblog vitamin water and fried. Hash browns from your favorite place is usually what I do
— Stephanie Ashe (@stephanieelisea) November 8, 2015
Of course! Hash browns. The perfect vegan* hangover cure.
And if after all that you still find yourself leaning towards the bacon, there’s just one thing left to do:
What are your meatless hangover cures?
*usually—double check the ingredients!