Why 2015 was tough, but I loved it

2015 was tough

I’m not gonna lie, 2015 was tough. Like, really tough. But it was also probably the best year of my life so far.

For the first six months of 2015, my husband was unemployed. Not because nobody wanted to hire him—but because he was really sad. And that sucked. When someone you love is struggling, the whole world seems a little bit blue. Everything you used to love turns into a potential danger: something that might upset your loved one, which is something that you can’t bear. And sometimes you’re so busy trying to make the world OK for them that you forget to keep yourself afloat as well.

As for me, I started 2015 in my dream job. I’d wanted to be a producer ever since I was 16, and in December of last year, I won a contract producing a whole series. So I just took it for granted that I was probably really happy, and left it at that. Spoiler alert: I wasn’t.

Oh yeah, and we had a brand new puppy. 2015 was tough puppyA tiny, defenceless, little bundle of fluff that needed to be fed and cared for and taken out for walks: tasks that I suddenly found myself physically incapable of doing. That’s when I started to realise I wasn’t coping: when I noticed that my brain was refusing to take on any more responsibility. I was working for two, I was worrying about my husband, I was trying to be cheerful for my roommate-cousin who had just suffered a terrible bereavement—but I couldn’t feed my dog.*

I made it almost half way through the year before I burst into tears at London Waterloo, and admitted that 2015 was tough for me.

So I threw a party. I quit my not-so-dream-job-after-all, blew a chunk of money on overpriced bottle service, and toasted the fact that 2015 wasn’t really going very well.

Things weren’t perfect after that, but slowly but surely, the good moments started to roll in. I realised I wanted to be a writer. I got a job at Bustle. I won a writing prize from The Telegraph. I was made a HelloGiggles contributor. I actually ended up working seven jobs simultaneously, which was super-fun but crazy-exhausting. So I quit some of them again. Hey, I’m still figuring out a normal work-life balance, guys. 2015 was tough sisterAt least I manage to feed my dog now.

In 2015, I let a really important friendship get complicated and fade away, and then I let it burst back into my life. I gained about 30 pounds but also 300x more self-esteem—so stick that in your fat-shaming pipe and smoke it. I didn’t read as many books as usual, but I finally got into non-fiction. I went to one wedding, and one memorial. I drank probably a bit too much. I became a pescetarian. I spent more time with my sister. I started a blog, and made one too many jokes about my #personalbrand.

2015 was tough christmas treeI’ve probably cried less this year than usual, because it’s harder to cry when all your energy is going into holding yourself together. I may have laughed less too, but I’ve definitely laughed harder.

Oh, and my husband? He got a job he loves at a brewery. He comes home every night smelling of beer with a big smile on his face. It’s totally dreamy.

So yeah, 2015 was tough. But 2015 was also the year I finally got onto the right path. It was the year I learned who I am right now, rather than who I thought I might be.

And if I’m being honest, 2015 was a bloody good year.

 


 

*Um, please don’t call the RSPCA on me. My husband fed the dog. I’m not that bad.

  • This is hands down the best post I have ever read. It’s nice to see the other side of an end of year post, particularly when it hasn’t been a fantastic year for me either. I think sometimes we assume that everyone else is having such a fab time whilst we are left dealing with all of lifes problems when in reality that isn’t the case at all. I’m glad you and your husband are feeling positive now and may that all continue into the new year. Your puppy is so cute and I’m sure he brings hours of amusement as well. All the best for 2016!

    http://www.simplysara.co.uk
    x

    • Thank you so much! It can be a bit scary to admit when things are tough, so it’s so lovely to hear nice words. And I’m sorry it’s been a tricky year for you as well; you’re right, it’s easy to assume that everyone else is having a perfect time. I hope your 2016 is better as well! <3

  • Fiona Shaw

    I am in love with you. Also, I am crying x

  • Awesome post!
    It sucks that that your year didn’t start out so great, but I’m so glad it all turned out good in the end. And congrats on finding your career path! That’s something I’m really hoping I figure out myself this year.

    • Thank you! Oh good luck with figuring your own out, it can take a few twists and turns along the way but that all just adds up to be part of your story 🙂

  • Cass Geller

    I love this Emma. And I am taking a page from your 2015 book for my own 2016 book. You are an inspiration. Thank you.

  • Bernadette

    Sadness/meloncholy can beset a diverse range of people and is a dreadful experience. It is commendable you were able to be supportive whilst coping with the twists and turns of your own life including the disparaging comments your received in response to your blog about your newly married status. Best wishes for 2016